Stories by the Fire
by Comedyfanatic
Summary: The fire emblem cast gathers around the campfire and tells stories about their pasts, each one wierded and crazier than before, until finally, a story about an evil leprechaun emerges and deprives everyone of sleep. Please R&R.


It was a dark and stormy night (like it always is in these kind of stories) and the band of warriors who sat around the dimming fire in the large tent, which was pelted continually with rain. The soldiers were restless, and for good reason. They were going to have to take on Nergal in the afternoon tomorrow.

Jaffar rolled out his mat beside Nino's and stared blankly at the ceiling. Nino slowly approached him from across the tent.

"Yes?" asked Jaffar expectantly before Nino had even reached his bedside. He turned his head to look at her, which forced her to blush. She shifted uneasily from foot to foot.

"Well…" she started. "Why do we all have to share one tent tonight?"

"Eliwood thinks it would be best for us to stick together in case there's an ambush," replied Jaffar as he turned his gaze to the ceiling once again. Nino opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by Legault's entrance.

"Hello everyone," said Legault as he dropped his sack down beside the tent flap. "I trust you haven't all been despairing in my absence?"

"Not at all," replied Hector jovially. "In fact we were dreading your return."

Legault flashed a fake smile before turning to curse Hector under his breath. He began unloading the firewood that he had gathered in his sack. Nino stealthily approached him from behind before throwing her arms around the back of his neck in an un-welcomed hug.

"Uncle Legault!" she shouted as she embraced him. "Thank goodness you're back!"

"Easy kid," choked Legault. "I'm dying here." Nino let her hands fall to her sides and she just stood beside her "uncle."

"How was scavenging, uncle Legault?" asked Nino, shuffling her feet as she did so. Legault slowly turned to her and raised his eyebrow.

"How many times must I tell you?" asked Legault despairingly. "I'm not your uncle!"

"Sorry unc- Legault…" said Nino, correcting herself mid-sentence. "So what was scavenging like?"

"It was awful," replied Legault as he finished unpacking the wood. "It was damp and muddy, with very few sections of the forest in any way dry."

"That's just terrible!" said Nino with genuine concern in her voice. "Are you hurt? Were you ambushed? Do you need food? Did you-"

"Whoah, slow down kiddo," said Legault, cutting Nino off. "All I need is a warm fire and a few good stories to listen to and I'll be set."

"Alright, I'll get everyone together," said Nino as she turned to gather all the tents occupants. Legault wrapped himself in his cloak and settled down by the fire, ready to hear the tales his fellow travelers had to offer. Eliwood started.

"Once, when I was a lot smaller…" began Eliwood. "I used to have a crush on this beautiful girl…"

"This ought to be good," muttered Legault just loud enough for Eliwood to hear. He received a stern glare in return.

"As I was saying…" continued Eliwood. "I liked this young girl when I was about… 14, I would say. I didn't know how she felt about me, so I made the fatal mistake of having a friend pretty much stalk her for me."

Hector blushed noticeably after Eliwood said this, but Eliwood continued.

"All he managed to find out was that she liked horses and that she was a virgin."

Legault spat out a crude laugh and received a number of disapproving stares. He signaled for Eliwood to continue.

"… So we ended up being in the same history class at our school," continued Eliwood. "So I went up to her after class and we talked a bit, mainly about what we were studying, but I threw in a few comments about horses just to try and spark conversation. After a few days of this she invited me over to her house. Things couldn't have been worse. The first thing I did when we got in the door was slip on a pan, god knows what it was doing there, and fall onto a minefield of small wooden spikes being used in a game of jacks. I got up and saw her laughing, so I went with it and laughed too. I turned to unpack my knapsack, only to step on a small layout of shells that had been scattered all over the floor. I got chips of them all over my foot and I panicked, which caused me to trip and land directly underneath her…" Eliwood paused to take a breath and let Legault snicker before continuing.

"An now she just looks down at me and smiles, then proceeds to bend over to help me up. However, while she was doing so, I heard a distinctive ripping sound, which she didn't notice. I sort of, you know, examined her rear and saw a huge rip there. I couldn't point it out without being rude, so I just sat on the couch and let it slide. She sat beside me and sort of batted her eyelashes at me. I smiled back at her, not knowing what to say. Finally I just burst out with "your pants!" and she replied, "what about them?" She was starting to look pissed off, so I knew I had to be careful. But, of course, being the fool I am I said, "they're too tight on you." I don't know where it came from, but it burst out and she brought back her hand to bitch slap me, and in a frantic effort to escape I dove at her and ended up grabbing her… well, her…"

"Boobs," finished Legault, smiling as he said so.

"Yeah…" said Eliwood before trailing off.

"Ok, enough of that," said Legault. "Who else has a story to tell?"

"I do…" said Lyn. "It's from my old days as a stripped at the local nightclub…"

"Well, I'm sure it'll be- wait, what did you just say?" asked Legault with a startled expression pasted on his face.

"I said that the story is from my old days as a stripper," replied Lyn matter-of-factly.

Legault stood with his mouth wide open for a few seconds before shouting, "You were a stripper?!" at the top of his lungs.

"Yes…yes I was…" said Lyn as she exposed her thigh to the eyes of the onlookers.

"… okay, I could see that," said Legault as Lyn draped her robe back over her leg. "Is your story dirty?"

"Oh yes, very much so," replied Lyn as she prepared to begin her tale.

"Then I'm sorry but, you can't tell it," said Legault in a dignified tone. "After all, this story is rated teen and we don't want to have to change that."

"I suppose you're right…" said Lyn as she went back to meditating. Legault turned to the others and just gawked. His face matched all of those around him.

"Does anyone have a story about something a little more… sensible?" asked Legault hopefully as he searched for raised hands among the small group.

"I'll tell one," said Wil.

"You go ahead," said Legault with a sigh.

"Alright, this is when me and Rebbeca were helping to take care of a bunch of kids as a summer job before we joined the rebellion," said Wil. He took a breath and began. "We were trying to teach the little brats how to shoot bows, but it was useless. They kept releasing the bow instead of the string or snapping their arrows in half before they put them on the string. Me and Rebbeca needed a break, so we headed off towards the woods, telling the kids we were going to hunt. We found a nice quiet spot with a couple of bushes to hide behind and started…"

"Whoah, now I see where this is going," said Legault, cutting Wil off as he did so. "So I suggest you cut your story short. I'll tell one, if that's what it takes to shut out this inappropriate theme." He paused and drank some water, then began his story.

"It was about 10 years ago when I was in my twenties. I was traveling the countryside with the black fang elites, and we stopped for a night to rest on the long road. As I was settling down, a suspicious looking black fang warrior walked up to me and said "Leprechaun's gonna fuck you up midnight," and so I started to wonder what the hell that was supposed to mean, which kept me up for quite a while. Finally, around 11:30 I fell asleep. I was awoken by the sound of footsteps. I looked at the moon overhead and knew it had to be midnight. When I turned to look ahead, a shady figure, about as big as a child draped completely in black stood before me. I was still drowsy and so I didn't know what he did, but I remember him chanting, "They're magically delicious…"

Legault finished his story on this note and said, "Well, it's late and I'm going to bed. Have a good sleep everyone." Ironically, no one but Legault got sleep that night. They were too busy gritting their teeth and clutching their blankets for fear that they too might be attacked by the Leprechaun.


End file.
